Saturday, December 13, 2008

Moon Shadow: prologue part 1

Rosemary and I are writing a story together. Here's part one of the prologue. Please leave advise if you have any. I'm trying to become a better writer.
Here it is:

The night sky was filled with the millions of dancing stars; the same as every other night. Distant songs of joy glided through the cool air reaching every ear. The wind twirled and weaved through the trees gleefully. Women danced and men played. The moon was back, and was brighter than ever before.

“Moon Shade, my love?” a tall dark figure opened the door and entered a small room full of racks and racks of extravagant dresses, “Are you ready to bless your hero?” the question was dripping with disgust.

“My dear Night Shade,” the beautiful voice rang through the room like church bells lighting every corner. Out from a large closet stepped an angel. Moon Shade. Her pale white skin practically glowed in the dim lighting of the room. She wore a long silver dress that sparkled brilliantly, and her straight black hair flowed behind her. She stared at Night Shade, who had called her, with her large, violet eyes, “What do you think?” She twirled gracefully, and the ends of the dress flew around her like a soft winter breeze.

Night Shade frowned. His black eyes glared at her night gown, “You’re beyond gorgeous,” he growled irritated.

Moon Shade glided over to him with a saddened expression. She placed her small, petite hands on his cheeks and lifted his scowling face, “What’s of your mind?” She asked brushing away his black bangs so she could look into his eyes.

He stared at her intently, not answering. She stoked his tan face, not looking away. After a long moment, he spoke, “You’re too beautiful…” he whispered.

“I’m not sure whether or not to take that as a complement,” She said, raising an eyebrow. She smiled warmly, and asked, “Is it a bad thing.”

“Right now, yes.”

“why?” she said softly; her voice like velvet.

“Because I don’t want that soldier scum to get any thoughts,” his face hardened angrily.

She ran her fingers through his amazing black hair, understanding, “You don’t have to be so protective. I’m yours, and that’s that.” She gently kissed his lips.

Night Shade pulled away and raised his voice from a whisper, “I just don’t see why you feel that it’s necessary to give him such a blessing. Give him powers beyond normal human kind.”

“He saved my life!” She let go of his face and stepped back in surprise.

“Please,” he said irritated, “Do you really think he would have if there wasn’t a reward? They’re all the same. Each one of them born with a ball of greed that grows bigger and bigger over the space of many years. It’s sick! All they care for is themselves.”

“Take that back!” She spat, “They are not all the same. Some of them are different. They are also born with the capability to sense right from wrong,” she relaxed a little and glared at him waiting for an apology. He straightened up and lifted his head slightly to show his defiance, “Fine.” She finally said, “This discussion is over. I’m going, and there’s no way you can change my mind. I do in fact own him my life.” He just stared at her with a straight face of defeat. She sighed, “Will you be joining me?”

“Of course,” he said, now glowering at the ground, “I still don’t trust this hero of yours.”


Rylie J Redwood said...

There are a few mistakes in there. If you think you found one inform me, and I will clarify.

Jin said...

..whoa...MORE MORE MORE!

Rylie J Redwood said...

Okay. I'll be on it's way soon.

Jin said...


Emma Claire said...

it's good!

Jin said...

it ish

Rose Mary said...

crap. and I'm s'posed to follow this up w/ chap 1. what have I gotten myself into?

Jin said...


Rylie J Redwood said...

Don't start chapter 1 yet. I'm still not done with the prologue.

Jin said...